Spam? Is That You?

Despite it being the middle of winter, I did some preliminary spring cleaning this past weekend. I did all my laundry, started organizing the shelves in my closet, and cleaned out my freezer and pantry cupboards, getting rid of expired food to make room for the groceries I bought. I also found this in my drafts from when I cleaned out my Spam folder! I hope you enjoy.

Sea Spam. Or flotspam/jetspam.

Sea Spam. Or flotspam/jetspam.

These are some things I found in my Spam (my comments in blue):

Good afternoon! How wags the world? I am Kseniya. I imagine her name is pronounced “kiss-en-ya” like kissin’ ya.

I am 32 years old. I am single. I have no children. I have a university degree. These are all true for me, too.

I wish to have a person, with whom we will understand one another and share our judgments. This is also kind of true for me, although judgments might be too harsh a word. Experiences? Feelings? Dislike of Twilight/50 Shades of Grey?

I am waiting for a faithful, reliable and careful person leading a healthy lifestyle. Aren’t faithful & reliable* pretty much the same thing?

It’s not a game for me. I wish to have a serious person who is not going to play with me, too. I guess that depends on what you mean by “play.” 

I hope you will answer me. Waiting for your email. Best wishes, Kseniya

This was a comment to a comment in my Spam. So my Spam is spamming my…other Spam:

very useful post! I’m responding on upper comment : “Who wants some upgrade? Be ready to get new soft for your PC”?.

Cheap NFL Jerseys apparently has something to say about my love life:

your ex boyfriend fresh new and also a it as it is style in which sets efficiently along with his unique flair,

Oh Cheap NFL Jerseys, if you only knew. 

I got an email from the address viagra@cialis.com. Isn’t that like getting an email from coke@pepsi.com or ford@chevy.com?

And I found this poem in my Spam folder: softly continue as well as stretching every single one of joint capsules, One via one.

Also, I thought of an awesome product that not only cuts the crust off of bread, but also toasts it for you. I’m thinking of calling it “ToastCrusters” – thoughts?

I got really excited because I thought I came up with the term “immortified” as in immortalized in your mortification (like when someone posts a video of you doing something stupid on YouTube and it’s there forever, or posting a tweet that goes viral and gets you fired), but then I found immortified on Urban Dictionary. Womp womp.

I did, however, come up with an app you could use to try and retract a tweet when the above happens. I call it “Wetweet” because it sounds like Tweety Bird saying “Retreat!” which is what you want to do in that situation.

*When I was applying for jobs several years ago, some of the applications asked me to give three adjectives that best describe me. So I asked my mom, a former English teacher, for help on this. She paused a moment before saying, “Dependable, reliable, responsible.” Which, we all know, mean the same thing. Why not add trustworthy? Or Someone you can count on?

 

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About Sarah in Small Doses

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