Holiday Stuffing

I stuffed a lot of things* this holiday season, including my face, a basketball,** and also 675 holiday cards that went out today. Unfortunately, none of you are getting them because they were for work,*** but I’m planning something for December/January that might serve as a nice substitute.**** But don’t feel bad, the cards were not personalized. I got, like, a dozen paper cuts on my tongue, several more on my fingers, and two on the sides of my mouth (don’t ask). It wouldn’t be the holidays without a little blood on an envelope, right? At least this year I didn’t have to use Wite Out…One of my coworkers grumbled about having to sign all 675 of them (because an electronic signature is too impersonal) but I not only signed and stuffed them, I folded, addressed, stamped, and sealed them (yes, I licked every one)***** so (understandably) I had a hard time sympathizing.

These are drops of my blood.

These are drops of my blood.

My boss has brought his dog to work a few times, most recently right before Thanksgiving, and he was joking that he should put her to work, get her on the payroll. I told him that I had a job she could do: licking envelopes. He laughed but I was totally serious. Too bad she “called in sick” this week. So much for loyalty. Dogs.

Do you think Cheap Trick is sick of wanting you to want [them]? Speaking of music, my copy machine must really like reggae because it always be jammin’…getting back to the cards, though. I sent one out to someone with the last name “Tannenbaum.” Do you think this is a good time of year or a bad one to have that last name? I also sent one to “The Very Reverend Soandso” which I thought was awesome until I sent one to “The Most Reverend Soandso.” There’s also the Right Reverend and the Right Honourable Reverend, but they didn’t get cards. I want people to call me the The Very Writer Sarah Turner. Or The Most Awesome Sarah Turner. Or just The Very Sarah Turner. Maybe I’ll make that my pen name.

My favorite moment over Thanksgiving, aside from all the good food and gratitude being passed around, and the time I had three children on my lap––bliss––was when my brother-in-law (who, I recently learned, hates puns) was talking about holiday items included in a coupon and he said, “Prints and the artwork formerly known as prints are 15% off.” Then he turned to me and said, “That was just for you.” Yessssssssssssssssssssssss!

Well, November is over so I should probably update you on how NaNoWriMo went for me. I didn’t write a novel, nor did I finish my second book or even write 10,000 new words, BUT I did finish two more chapters and get the jump on a third, PLUS I did some sketching out of additional sections and created a list/map of the book as I see it. And I wrote a poem. Because apparently snow makes me think of poetry.******

I am looking for people to guest blog in early January. No big commitment, but it would help me out and give you publishing credits (if you’re into that sort of thing). It went over well the last time (my guest bloggers got more views than I did!) so I might ask the previous people to write again, but if you have an itch to try your hand at this blogging thing, hit me up. The topic is (almost) wide open, you can write about me if you like (I don’t embarrass too easily), and it’s fun. Message me in the comments or email me at sarahinsmalldoses@gmail.com.

Thanks and stay warm!

*But not either turkey I helped prepare and cook. I know that’s where you were going.

**False.

***Weird or sweet: the boss sends one to his mom. I just hope he sends her a personalized card as well…

****Some of you may be getting a real card but don’t let that overshadow the joy you feel when you read my card-substitute post.

*****I tried using a sponge but it created more of a mess (too much water, not in the right place, etc.). Also, the glue they use on envelopes has gotten less and less adhesive, so too much water basically washes it away and makes the paper portion of the envelope all wrinkly. Your (well, my) tongue gives it the right amount of moisture.

******I only have three poems memorized and they’re all about snow. Go figure.

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About Sarah in Small Doses

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2 responses to “Holiday Stuffing”

  1. gailmilstein says :

    You ARE the Most Awesome Sarah Turner, and the totally Swag Sophstitute. I’m considering guest blogging, but then you would have to guest blog for me that day. Think about it. And then I’d like to hear some poems.

    • Sarah in Small Doses says :

      Thanks, Gail! You are the Most Awesome Gail Milstein and a wonderful writer and friend. What if I guest blogged about being your Sophstitute? I could write it up now and you could “schedule” it. And I’ll send you the poems this weekend.

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