July A Lot

I did some spring* cleaning lately and found some scraps of posts that never fit into one, so this is a conglomeration of those bits and pieces. Some of them are kind of old, but no less relevant, I think. I’m sorry (again) that I didn’t post last week. I’ve been busy, but there are exciting things in the works, some of which I will share here soon, so check back!   -Sarah

I saw three vehicles this week with some combination of Ks and Xs in their license (as in KXK or KKX or XKK). If I had those combinations in my license plate, I might re-think putting it on a white luxury vehicle. Actually, I’d probably just send it back to the DMV and request a new one.

I overheard people talking in the waiting room at work the other day, but the only phrase I caught was “furry gnomes.” I’ve been trying to figure out what the real phrase could be, but it’s no less weird. Fureen Homes? Furin Ohms? Fur no mas?

Relatedly (kind of), if your name was Yolanda Onofrio, you’d be Yo Onofrio or Yo no frio or “I’m not cool.”**

Speaking of [not] cool, I was looking up Ron Popeil the other day, because, well, why not, and he invented more things than I realized. The Chop-O-Matic, Dial-O-Matic, Veg-O-Matic, and Electric Food Dehydrator I had heard of, but not the Inside-the-Shell Egg Scrambler, the Six Star 20-Piece Cutlery Set, or the Ronco Popeil Automatic Pasta Maker (all of which are self-explanatory, according to Wikipedia), Mr. Microphone, the Showtime Rotisserie, the Popeil Pocket Fisherman, the Solid Flavor Injector (you don’t want to know), the Drain Buster, Great Looking Hair Formula #9 (GLH-9, hair in a can), the Smokeless Ashtray, and the Ronco Rhinestone Stud Setter (which is almost as awesomely named as the Bedazzler). The obvious one missing? Ron Popeil’s Ron-Pro Peeler.

Actual email exchange last winter between my building manager and me:

ME: Hey XXXXX,  I was just wondering the plowing policy for the back spots/alley.  I remember something being in the lease but am wondering what I should do as far as moving my car.  I am a little worried about this storm they are predicting.

XXXXX: No worries….keep in touch.*** What?

Digging through my spam:

SPAM I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was good. I don’t know who you are but certainly you’re going to a famous blogger if you are not already ;)  Cheers!  Thanks. I don’t know how you ended up here, either, but I’m glad you did.

SPAM This article made me effulge. After doing some reading of this article, I psychopedagogy a lot. I will pay more attention to your blog. I hope everyone like me herebring in happy, reap moved….   ?????

SPAM Thanks to you for this most wonderous information. I enjoyed the post and learned a lot. How do we get in touch? –posted on my “Other Blogs Worth Checking Out,” by  someone with the username “naked teens”****

Last night at trivia, my friend said something in a pirate accent, then apologized for going “full-pirate,” to which I responded, “What’s half-pirate?” SO really, what’s half-pirate? A patch but no peg? A parrot but no bandanna? A striped shirt but no sword? A swash but no buckle? Johnny Depp in Chocolat?

Hey, office mail machine: IF you give me the error message “Envelope Not Detected, Print Cancelled” the next message you show shouldn’t say “Remove Envelope.” Moron.*****

And lastly, I saw an actual panhandler the other day, as in a guy with an old-timey pan–like you’d use panning for gold–asking for change. I wanted to give him money, just because it was so appropriate, but I was out of gold bullion.

*Spring, mid-summer, same thing. When you’ve got snow the first three days of May, July feels like spring. Only hotter, muggier, and with more fireworks.

**Okay, technically, “I’m not cold.” But close enough.

***Thank you, for not answering my question at all, and for forcing me to “keep in touch” as a result.

****…Um, please don’t contact me if your user name is naked teens. We have nothing to discuss.*****

*****Seriously.

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About Sarah in Small Doses

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2 responses to “July A Lot”

  1. Michael says :

    The food dehydrator is proof of the evolutionary progress of our civilization – homemade fruit rollups and turkey jerkey are staples of a nutritious diet.

    • sarahwithanh25 says :

      Indeed. So are dried apricots and dehydrated apple slices. It reminds me of a line from “Benny and Joon” about raisins–“They used to be fat and juicy and now they’re twisted. They had their lives stolen. Well, they taste sweet, but really they’re just humiliated grapes.”

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