Welcome the Ides of March

Whew. It’s been quite a week (hence the late post). Some of it I can’t tell you about right now, but know that it’s mostly been the kind of week where good things are happening, I can see the spring ahead (ha!), and it feels like my luck has changed. A bright spot on Tuesday, besides the sun and the lengthening daylight, was a care package from my cousin’s husband and one of my most faithful followers, Jeremy. Thank you, Jeremy; your “pay-it-forward” plan is one I hope to keep beyond this spring. (If you’re one of my pay-it-forward people, know that it’s coming. But don’t expect it anytime soon.) And my mom and cousin came for dinner last night, which was a nice mid-week visit. One major thing I can tell you that happened this week is that I must have rocked my audition because I got into the improv class! Look out Tina Fey. But seriously, it was a really good feeling. I had found $20* in a coat pocket the day before, so I felt like I was already winning for the week. So, even though today is technically a bad day (if you’re Julius Cæsar**), I am embracing it. The world seems full of possibilities, and I want to explore them all.

Speaking of new experiences, I saw a bus being towed the other day. I’d never thought of buses as needing roadside assistance before, but it makes sense, and when I saw it, I found myself disappointed that the tow truck was proportionate to the bus. For some reason I wanted a tugboat-barge ratio, but I guess that only happens in the water. Lowly Worm’s*** car just wouldn’t cut it.

Speaking of buses, I saw the equivalent of a reverse-mullet-shoe on the bus the other day****–you know, business on bottom, party on the top. The lower half, visible under the hemline, was a sensible brown loafer suitable for the office; the top half: a butt-kicking lace-up boot À la Doc Martens*****. Black. It looked like a Frankenstein shoe. I wanted to take a picture with my phone, but my camera isn’t great and it makes that awesome-but-totally-conspicuous picture click noise, and I didn’t want to anger the person in that footwear: “You only think these shoes are appropriate for work. Down here: I’m following the dress code. Up here: I’m kicking a** and taking names. Take that TPS report!”

Complete this SAT analogy:

Spinners on a conversion van =

a) a fur coat on a stereotypical pimp

b) Mr. T with a Jerry curl

c) Diet Coke with lime

d) lipstick on a pig

e) all of the above

I actually drew an old-school rotary phone on the board in class the other day in the process of telling a story. I turned to ask if any of them had ever seen one of those phones in real life, and, noticing a cell phone on one student’s desk space, then had a moment of horror when I realized that those phones were very old when I was my students’ age, but they’re about 10 technical-generations behind for them. I had to explain the pain of dialing, and how we hated people who had ones or zeros in their number. 911 really should have been 999 for ease of use.

I had a weird moment at work today when I was thinking about my old job investigating police complaints and how weird it was that sometimes we would go from interviewing hostile cops about misconduct to listening to complainants talk about things like guns and drugs and serious physical violence to debating about whether we should get Fudgie the Whale or Cookie Puss for our monthly birthday celebration. I wonder if FBI agents ever have cake lunches at work. I really hope so. And, I really hope your Ides of March is full of good things. Like cookie packages and found money. Explore the possibilities.

*Actually, it was $22.25, but I knew the $2.25 was in there as emergency bus fare, so that part felt less like a windfall.

**Or eating a Cæsar salad. Or having a Cæsarian. Or sporting a low Cæsar haircut, which a lot of my complainants used to claim the cops had. Hmmmmmmm…

***If you get this reference, you were either born/had children in the 80s and have a good memory, or you’ve spent quality time with small children recently. Either way, I applaud you.

****I usually sleep during my morning commute, so I don’t trust that I actually saw it when I woke up. But I was awake. I think.

*****Fun fact, I thought it was “Doc Marten” but it is Doc Martens. Who knew?

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About Sarah in Small Doses

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2 responses to “Welcome the Ides of March”

  1. Michael Turner says :

    The rotary phone is legendary. So bulky it could be used as a weapon. And the emergency number should have been 111 because by the time you would have dialed 999 the person would likely have already died;-)

    • sarahwithanh25 says :

      I stand corrected. I must have been thinking of the New Zealand rotary phones, which had 1 near the zero, and 9 near the top, which would have been the shortest dial. Thanks for the correction!

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