Special Super Small Sarah
I have a post ready for Thursday, but watching the Super Bowl inspired me to post a special Monday morning Small Dose. Enjoy! -Sarah
Which is funnier: Power Oustage or Power Outrage?
It’s definitely going to come out that someone accidentally unplugged something or overloaded an outlet and blew a fuse. Speaking of blowing a fuse…the Ravens’ coach nearly did so during the outage delay. If they had lost, you know they would have blamed it on that.
Best part of the power outage? The power outage play-by-play. “As you can see by the dimness, the lights are still out…Let’s cut to Chris on the field, showing a different angle of darkness*…Oh wait, we now have reports of some lights coming back on…” They really could have shown all the commercials during that time and saved us all from having to watch retired football players uncomfortably try to fill air time. I love that they even had the words “power outage” in the box normally reserved for penalty calls and timeout announcements. You know someone was scrambling to type that in.
My favorite phrase during the outage play-by-play was “For those of you just tuning in…” Seriously? Who “just checks the score” of the Super Bowl a few minutes in to the third quarter?
Football players are like babies: They grunt a lot, need someone to put bottles in their mouths and wipe their faces, and now have pacifier-sized mouth guards. What they should do is make them look like wax lips. How do you seriously block a guy who looks like he made out with Mrs. Potato Head?
I want to start a company called “Hashtag.” Everyone’s talking about it. #Hashtag
Do you remember when hashtags were called pound signs? “Press 1 for directory, press 0 for operator, and press hashtag to return to the main menu…”
Revolution-based marketing ideas:
Chevrolution (the advancements of Chevrolet)
Rav4: Start the Ravolution
Santa Clause 4: Elve-olution
I think Wes Craven should name his son Baltimore. Or just move his family to Baltimore and call themselves the Baltimore Cravens. That would be awesome.
I also think Joe Flacco should be called Joe Flappo, ‘cuz his lips never fully close.***
Giant rings: what every little girl**** dreams of and every footballer plays for.
Football = Fatball. Seriously, some of those guys look like they rolled off the couch to come play. And where else can you have neck tattoos, long stringy hair, face paint, and spandex pants and be called “professional?”*****
The next time I
hand in a report/shred documents/score tests/teach my class do my job, I’m totally going to do a touchdown dance. “I just made 100 copies–––Whooooooo, how ‘you like me now?”
Failed commercial opportunity: California Raisins vs. Baltimore Craisins. Boom!
According to the Toyota commercial, a Toyota Tundra truck can pull 292,000 pounds. Which is great the next time your space shuttle breaks down and needs a tow.
Check back Thursday for another small dose of me!
*Satan = Angel of Darkness; Sin-cos-tan = angle of darkness** Also, when I tried typing that, it kept coming out “angle of darnness.” Not sure what that is…
***Notice I resisted the urge to go with “flaccid.” But, seriously, total mouth-breather.
****Not this girl. I just want the guy.
*****Maybe a carnival?