Last Friday my parents took me to see the terracotta warriors at MIA. It was really interesting to see. The emperor who created the terracotta army had trust issues, apparently, because he locked anyone who may have known the details of his final resting place in the tomb with him.* I wonder what those last few days were like. Do you think people fought to get out of there, or just decided to live it up for their last few hours? I hope he buried himself with wine and spirits.
One of the museum guards informed us that the weird seismograph-y thing in the corner of some of the rooms measured temperature and humidity (presumably because these climate issues affect works of art). She told us that people had brought one of the gizmos to her because it looked suspicious. Okay, if you suspect something is a bomb, DON’T. TOUCH. IT. Certainly don’t pick it up, and definitely don’t carry it through a museum of priceless artifacts in order to turn it in. Also, what did that person think the museum guard could do about it? ––”I’m only authorized to tell it not to take pictures or get too close to the paintings…”
It snowed pretty hard here on Sunday. Within hours, my building manager snowblowed (snowblew?) the entire sidewalk, which was great. What wasn’t so great was the fact that he didn’t adjust the tilt on the chute, so as he went down the length of the street, he sprayed snow onto the windows and roofs of each parked car. It wouldn’t have been so bad if he just did it once, or on just a few cars, but it was every car. And he went back and forth at least twice. I’m sure there’s an AllState commercial in there somewhere.
Nothing wakes you up like someone spitting into the wind in front of you as you walk down the sidewalk in single-digit temperatures. Coffee’s got nothing on cough-y.
Nothing compares to the rush of karaoke. Except if it’s the rush of singing Rush karaoke. Or the rush of drinking Rush River in Rush City, Minnesota, while Rush** Limbaugh*** and Geoffrey Rush sing Rush karaoke during Rush week for your fraternity. Whoa.
It is nice, though, when you sing karaoke and afterward someone comes up to you and tells you that your Cher was “amazing.” It’s especially nice when you actually sang a Cher song. Oh, if I could turn back time…
Actual conversation from our karaoke**** adventure on Friday:
VFW bouncer: We’re already over capacity, so I can only let five of you in. Unless you’re members.
Me: How does that work?
VFW bouncer: You can only be a member if you’ve served as a member of the military in a foreign war. You see, the VFW stands for…
Me: No, I know how the VFW works, I just wondered how our membership status negates the rules of capacity?*****
VFW bouncer: I would let you in ahead of other people and wouldn’t make you wait.
Me: But you just said you would let five of us in right now…never mind.
Well, I start teaching today. Wish me luck! I’ve already had three students email me and multiple stress-induced school-related dreams, so I think I’m ready. It’s so weird to have them address me as professor, though. I mean, I get it. But really.
*So your reward for hard work and loyalty is spending eternity with your boss. And you thought it was bad enough being rewarded with more work. Sheesh.
**I’m collecting names that are also verbs. Like Rush, Chase, Chuck, Bill, Wade, Drew, etc. I don’t know what I’m going to do with this list, but I just like having it. There are also a lot of names that are also nouns: like Bill, Rush…
***I kind of love that “ugh” is right there in his name. Is that wrong?
****Karaoke joke = karajoke?
*****I definitely did not articulate it that well. But the sentiment/question was the same.