Cycling and Recycling
I’ve been thinking about cycling. Not just because of the whole [bombshell that no one is really surprised about] relating to Lance Armstrong.* No, I’ve been thinking about how things cycle back, return. Re-cycle, if you will. I wrote a few posts back (and again last week) about Aaron Neville, and then he had a show last weekend in Hopkins (yes, I did try to get tickets but it was sold out. Sold out.) And I wrote a few months ago (and reposted) about how disgusting mayonnaise is, and two weeks ago, The Office informed us all that mayonnaise kills** lice. Gross. And this past weekend, I was talking with my friend about former relationships and I told her about my first boyfriend, whom I dated a little over eight years ago, and who should be at the pond hockey game we went to right after that, watching my friend’s boyfriend play at one of 25 different rinks? The same ex-boyfriend I had just mentioned. Bizarre, right?
The cycling I’ve really been thinking about, though, is with respect to my (non-blog post) writing. I recycle things in my head, turning them over and over like rocks in a tumbler until I’m ready to take them out. Some are more polished than others, but usually I’ve been cycling back at them for a while before I get them down on the page. My goal for this year is to write these ideas that I’ve had for a while but haven’t had the time, energy, or motivation to write until now. I have several essays I’ve been meaning to explore, and my second book has been in the works for a year and half. I’ll try to update you (minimally) as I finish these projects, and I’ll let you know if any of them get published. The goal, however, is just to write them. I need to take them out, like my recycling, so I can make room for new ideas. New cycling. I just had to tell you that, because if I say it in print, I’ll hold myself to it.
Now for the actual post:
So this arrived at our office this week:
If you look closer, you will notice a few things:
The best part? My boss didn’t even notice.
Innovators in television = televisionaries
Speaking of TV, I’m working on a TV show about a group of look-alikes in NYC who commit crimes but can never get caught because the cops are always hauling in the wrong guy/girl. You know, like what every criminal claims,*** “It was just a case of mistaken identity!” but for real. I’m calling it (ready) The (Big) Apple Doppel Gang. I’m waiting for NBC to return my call.
Speaking of doppelgangers, one of the essays I’m working on (“Apologies to My Doppelgangers”) is about how people mis-recognize me all the time. I also want to pair this with a piece about people who have the same name***** as I do, but are doing way cooler things. And, I want to come up with a term for when the opposite is true–people don’t recognize you, even though they know you. I’m accepting suggestions.
One who sails is called a sailor, one who jails is called a jailer, one who bails is called…a deadbeat.
Failed evangelical avenues: cellevangelist (call your cell phone), closely related to phonevangelists (call your home phone. It’s not good when “phony” is right in your name), and movievangelists.
Boozy = full of booze, floozy = full of flooze?
A flunkie is one who flunks, a junkie is one who junks?
Failed Apple products:
International Equal Employment Opportunity Organization: iIEEOO
Online-only opinion column: ieOpEd
Stationary bike: iPed
Children’s potty chair: iPid. Or iPot. iPoo?
*Seriously, though. Calling a woman crazy and a b****, but “justifying” it by the fact that you never called her fat is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
**Kills, suffocates–same thing.
***Seriously, my complainants always used to claim that they didn’t anything, the real perpetrator was someone who looked like them.
****I think you know what that word is. If not, ask your mom.
*****Name Twins? Homonames?