Love Letter to Sarah from a Satirist Friend

This is a blog post from my dear friend, Charlie, a fellow writer/blogger/trampoline enthusiast. You may remember my post about Scrabble on her blog; she’s returning the favor here. As you can tell by the title, it is a love note (although it wouldn’t let me strikethrough Satirist in the title bar, so see the actual title below. Sorry, Charlie).  I felt a little narcissistic posting a love note to myself, but then I remembered this blog has my name in the title, and I got over it.

Love Letter To Sarah From A Satirist Friend

I’m taking over Sarah’s blog today. I’ve been warned not to talk about politics or swear. I guess I’ve been known to do both, like this one time when Sarah and I were killing time in a bookstore before a movie:

Sarah: Oh, Devil In The White City, that’s a really good book!

Me: I don’t BUTTERNUTTIN’ like political books.

Sarah: What?

I took one look at the cover and mistakenly thought it was about politics. See for yourself:

This book is about a serial killer.

Doesn’t it look political?

Aside from swearing about politics, I sometimes discuss books and how they apply to my life. That is why I’ve decided to pair this post with The Host, by Stephanie Meyer. Here is the trailer for your enjoyment.

Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.*

I guess I should let you in on the joke. The first time I met Sarah, she told me that she wasn’t a fan of Twilight or Stephanie Meyer. The conversation got a wee bit heated, and Sarah later told me that she thought we would never be friends because we disagreed on one of the most epic tales ever written.

—a text interrupts my writing.

Sarah: I posted my Zombie Apocalypse post on January 19th. Oh and don’t forget the palm reader & pizza. And our many walks. I’m a little scared. . . my parents read my blog . . .

Sarah “claims” to have looked up the date of her Zombie Apocalypse post, but I KNOW she had it memorized. Recently at a party she was able to remember EVERYONE’S birthday, like, to the day. And, uh, hello Mr. & Mrs. T! You have raised a remarkable and fine young lady who. . .

—another text interrupts my writing.

Sarah: We went to Club Jager is that what you mean? I remember the one-speaker dance party on the patio. I don’t remember why you said you stole my innocence…

Where was I? Oh yes, Sarah is preparing herself for a zombie attack, but I’m not all that worried about zombies. Don’t get me wrong, I have a zombie plan (everyone should): 1.) Never wear flip-flops. If today is the day, you want to have proper foot attire for running. 2.) Commandeer a houseboat. Zombies can’t swim. Of course I’ll ask Sarah to be on Team Run-the-BUTTERNUTS-away-from-the-zombies because have you ever seen the inside of her purse? Girl got everything up in there. Also, like me, she can swim.

I stole this from the Internet and forgot what site.

Now that that image is burned into your mind, zombies don’t have me all that worried. I mean, I’ll give Sarah credit; zombies are scary. CUE Cabin In The Woods trailer!

But, I’m worried about aliens. Especially these nice ones that take over humanity and make the world a better place. <<SHIVERS>>

Although this post is a declaration of fear my of aliens, it also doubles as a love letter to Sarah. (How’s that for multitasking?) Here is the love(ish) part:

Sarah and I may not agree on everything, but I could not imagine my life with out her point of view or friendship. Once on a walk, I asked her how it was she thought friendship worked. I told her I wanted to love everyone, give everyone a chance, you know, how Jesus does, but I’m not anything like Jesus at all because I’m prone to making split-second judgments (Re: Devil In The White City).

Sarah: I cast a wide net.

Jesus would love that comparison, for like, fishing reasons.

Sarah, I’m glad your net included me. I’m glad I didn’t judge your book by its cover and give up on you when you first told me that you didn’t like the fantastic sentence structure of Stephanie Meyer, and most importantly—

Will you help me when the aliens come?

I love you.

With a friend like Sarah, you don’t ever have to ask her to help. She just will. That is why she is getting a pair of aqua socks for Christmas as well as this training manual.

*Lorrie Moore once used this technique in her short story “Real Estate” which can be found in her collection, Birds of America. I just wanted to try it out.

** Find me at ThatGirlWhoReadsBooks.com or on Twitter @ CM_Broderick

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About Sarah in Small Doses

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6 responses to “Love Letter to Sarah from a Satirist Friend”

  1. Michael says :

    Lol. Does look like a political book. Are zombies distracted by fireworks? Very strange love letter.

    • andnowicandiehappy says :

      In Cabin in the Woods, it’s actually Zombie Redneck Torture Family, not Zombies, they are two different species.

      • sarahwithanh25 says :

        *cough* nerd alert *cough cough* I’m pretty sure you’re the only person reading my blog who would know that there is more than one species of zombie. But I’m glad you enlightened us all. I’m just going to avoid all of them, to be safe.

    • sarahwithanh25 says :

      I don’t know if zombies are distracted by fireworks, but let’s carry sparklers just in case. And it’s a very good book that doesn’t involve politics at all. I highly recommend it.

  2. Clare P. says :

    Your laughter breaks free of the bounds of wordpress (on my browser, anyway). Also, “The Host” is also the name of my very favorite Korean movie about a giant mutant tadpole monster*.

    *There may be other Korean movies about giant mutant tadpole monsters, but they can’t possibly be as awesome as “The Host.”

    • sarahwithanh25 says :

      Laughter knows no bounds. I noticed that, too, but I was too lazy to change it. I kind of like it, though.

      I’ll have to look into your “The Host” suggestion. Charlie’s, however, I am not.

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