Fool & Phil & Fall
So, Gmail had this ad for me in its ticker-thingy: http://www.fool.com Stock Investing Advice
Really? Really? That is the worst name for any advice website, especially one that deals with monetary transactions. “I’m not so sure about this investment opportunity. Let’s see what Fool has to say…” How much of a, well, fool do you think I am? Next you’re going to tell me “gullible” is written on the ceiling. Incidentally, gullible was written on the ceiling of my high school homeroom. True story.*
Also, if you’re going to creepily read my emails, Gmail, maybe actually read them and stop posting advertisements on my inbox for an MFA at Hamline, since I’m already in the program.**
Speaking of ads, I saw an
ad giant billboard for Davanni’s the other day. For those of you unfamiliar with Davanni’s, it’s a pizza, pasta, and hoagie chain in the Twin Cities. They asked “Tommy” to name his favorite menu item from Davanni’s. His answer? Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper. Good call, Tommy, because you really can’t get that anywhere else. Other ads include “I’m a huge fan of the napkins,” and “Their utensils are so easy to eat off of!”
I know this is ridiculously old news, but Philip Phillips won American Idol. I think he goes by Philip Phillips because Phil Phillips is already a singer from the ’50s. I love Phil Phillips’s song, “Sea of Love,” but I was totally thrown by the genre listed for him: Swamp Pop.*** Maybe that’s what Little Richard was singing about in “Tutti Frutti”–“A swamp pop-aluau a swamp bam boom/Gotta gal, named Daisy…”****If you check Wikipedia, “Philip Phillips” could also refer to four other people, which means there are at least ten parents out there I want to ask why they hated their child from birth.*****
Well, it’s officially fall. Or as I like to call it “Not winter.” Unfortunately, I just learned that we are waking up to the high temperature today, which is the most depressing news I have heard in a while. And I had to revise this joke I was going to make about how my neighbor didn’t realize that it’s fall, not winter, because this is the picture I took in front of the house two weeks ago:
I learned how to sound like a 90s rapper: gather four of your friends, take turns reciting a bunch of nursery rhymes set to a catchy beat, and all of you shout the last word of each line together. Little miss MUFFET, sat on a TUFFET, eating her curds and whey (NO WAY)…For real world examples, look to: Run DMC’s “Walk this Way,” “Ice Ice Baby,” by Vanilla Ice, and nearly the full catalog of the Beastie Boys.
I’ve noticed a pattern with rappers/hip-hoppers (rap-hoppers? hippers?): there’s lots of Lil’s****** (Lil’ Wayne/Lil’ Weezy, Lil’ Kim, Lil’ Bow Wow), there’s lots of Ices (Ice-T, Ice Cube, Vanilla Ice), there’s lots of DJs (DJ AM, DJ Jazzy Jeff), and there’s lots of artists with a “-letter” at the end (Jay-Z, Eazy-E, Ray-J). If I wanted to become a successful rapper I would therefore go by the name DJ Lil’ Ice-E. Other options include Ice Pack, Lil’ Dry Ice, DJ Jay-D (I’d rap about laws and stuff), and Busta Rimes*******. Thoughts?
Well, I’m signing off for a bit. You’ll still get regular posts from this blog on Thursdays (or whenever you need a pick-me-up and decide to pop over). Guest posters this month include both of my parents, my sister, and my dear friend Charlie. I let them write about whatever they wanted, so they should be interesting…I’ll miss you! See you in a month!
*Actually, that’s not true. It was misspelled on the ceiling. “Gulable” was there instead.
**It’s especially hurtful since I am this close to graduating. Shouldn’t you know this by now, Gmail? I have a connected Hamline University Gmail-supported email account.
***Not to be confused with Swamp Water, which is what we used to make, ironically, out of all the pops from the fountain machine in a self-serve beverage center. Jealous, “Tommy”? I thought so.
****That’s stuck in your head now, isn’t it? You’re welcome.
*****Actually, Phil Phillips was born Philip Baptiste but he inexplicably changed it.
******I think that’s how you’d pluralize it. Technically, since the apostrophe is supposed to replace letters that are missing, it should be Li’l’ but that just looks weird. On a side note, I would love to go by the rap name Lil’ Big Butt (or Bigg But, I haven’t decided) because it makes me laugh. Then, in the way of Puff Daddy or Puffy or P. Diddy or Diddly Squat or DooDad or whatever he goes by now, I could change it to Biggie Bottoms, and then just Bot. It would be awesome.
*******If you got that, I tip my backwards cap to you.