Usurped by Spiderman

I know I said I was posting about a pontoon, but I went to a movie and got so much material, I pushed the pontoon post back a week. You don’t mind, do you? Also, I’m going back and tagging posts that I didn’t tag before, so if you get a notification about an old post being updated, that’s what happened. I’m hoping to drum up some more blog traffic (so please pass this on!)  -Sarah

Watching The Amazing Spiderman the other day, I couldn’t help thinking that maybe the comic was one big misunderstanding.* There was a scene early on, before Peter develops his costume but after he discovers his “spidey” skills, when he is able to leap up buildings and cling to brick walls with only his fingertips, and when I saw that I thought, What if he was just the original parkour enthusiast and people have been mispronouncing it all along? Think about it: Par-ker. Par-kour. He’s not a photographer, he’s a Francophile. I imagined a comic where he’s running around going “You guys! It’s not Peter Parker, it’s Peter Par-kour. It’s Peter Par-kour!” He’s not trying to stop crime, he’s just freestyle walking.

I liked this film interpretation of the comic books much better than the Toby Maguire/Kirsten Dunst** franchise, (Martin Sheen and Sally Field are in it–yes–) and I loved the update of making him a skater punk. I could have done without the skinny jeans, but I did find it hilarious when he was trying to create his costume and he found pictures online of superheroes and athletes wearing leotards. “Spandex, spandex…it’s all spandex!” he said in frustration. Really? You’re running around in skinny jeans and you’re worried about wearing spandex?

I also thought about how if he’s in high school, he’s probably underage, which makes him a boy, not a man. But I guess Spiderboy sounds derogatory and not at all scary.***

It made me think of some new Alien vs. Predator-type movie crossovers: Spiderman and the Kiss of the Spider Woman. Or Spiderman vs. Black Widow. Or Spiderman vs. Charlotte’s Web. Or Madame Butterfly and the Mothman Prophesy. Or Madame Butterfly vs. Mothra. The Tick vs. Beetle Bailey.****

Ironic or totally appropriate?:

…the man who directed The Amazing Spiderman has the last name “Webb.”

…having a magnet with the word “Catapult” on it go flying across the kitchen.

…getting a papercut from opening a Band-aid.

…according to palmistry, the middle finger symbolizes justice.

…a hipster who really doesn’t know what the word “ironic” means.

I’ve been thinking a lot about poor people. I mean poor men. As in, Soandso is the poor man’s Whatshisname. Like Gary Busey is the poor man’s Nick Nolte, Julia Sweeney is the poor man’s Carla GuginoCharlie Sheen now is the poor man’s Charlie Sheen 2003. I’d love your suggestions on this.*****

My friend Pam, when she was explaining that her husband doesn’t get overly concerned about health issues, said, “I’m the worrier.” I instantly thought of another Weird Al cover to Scandal’s 1980’s hit “The Warrior” : Fretting over minor health change, pain-pain, I am the worrier, yes I am the worrier, WebMD has me dai-aieeeai-ing.”****** Seriously, though, WebMD will have you convinced that your tiny heat rash is definitely malaria and that mild headache you’ve had, possibly from lack of sleep and/or dehydration is a cluster of parasites eating your brain. I went on thinking I had some kind of small allergic reaction and few right clicks (and wrong turns) later I believed that I was going to lose my face to  a flesh-eating black mold infection. Which I clearly don’t have. With all of these bruises, though, isn’t anyone worried about my iron levels?

Tune in next week for the pontoon post (and possibly the link to my speech??)

*Totally unrelated personal sidenote: My first memory of reading, really reading something, where the letters made words and the words made sense, was a Spiderman comic book when I was maybe four or five. Not to brag, but it had words in it like “x-ray” and “radioactive.” And, you know, lots of pictures.

**And it’s not because I hate [totally dislike and don’t understand the appeal of] Kirsten Dunst. Okay it’s that. It’s totally that. I thought I was over it. But I’m not. I feel the same way about Kristen Stewart. Maybe it’s a Kirsten/Kristen thing? But I like Kristen Wiig…and I love my cousin Kristin…

***Kind of like Spiderpig. I didn’t see that movie, but I heard good things.

****Well that’s just ridiculous: Beetle Bailey isn’t actually a beetle. Honestly. The Tick vs. The Flea would be better. Throw in The Fly and you’ve got three-fourths of an amazing WWE insect smackdown.

*****This girl is the poor man’s Kirsten Stewart. Or, since Kirsten Stewart cannot act to save her life, she is the poor man’s Teresa Palmer.

******The real words are “Shooting down the walls of heartache/bang bang/I am the Warrior/ yes I am the Warrior/victory is mi-iiieeii-ine.” You’re thinking about Cover Comedian now, aren’t you? I thought so.

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About Sarah in Small Doses

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6 responses to “Usurped by Spiderman”

  1. thatgirlwhoreadsbooks says :

    Had to throw in Cover Comedian, didn’t you?? Talk about thinking you have an unexplained affliction: it’s Tuesday afternoon, you don’t feel like thinking so you pop on TV, what is on? Mystery Diagnosis. One bag of Oreos and two cups of milk later you are SURE that you have Myasenthia Gravis. Tuesday afternoon = spoiled.

    • sarahwithanh25 says :

      TGWRB: That is so true. I had to stop watching those shows because every sniffle had me convinced I had H1N1 and every headache was a medullablastoma. How can you enjoy Oreos after that?

  2. Evan Kingston says :

    You know I love Spidey, so this one had me laughing lots, Sarah.
    As a side note, I feel “poor man’s…” is classist, so I’m trying to start people off saying “…. fan fiction” instead. Like, “Gary Busey is nothing but Nick Nolte fan fiction.” Spread the word!

  3. Michael says :

    Nice post. Something about the name Toby just makes me not take Spiderman as seriously. I keep thinking about Roots (yo name es Toby! – Kunta Kinte!)

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