Beware the Ides of July

My mom is a little superstitious about July 15. A bad storm hit our hometown on July 15, 1980, and ever since the storm, she has noticed a pattern of bad things (some large, some minor) that happen on or around that date. My brother broke his leg on July 15 when he was two. I broke my arm (the first time) on July 14,  and our friends had their bikes stolen when we were camping on July 15. And their tent leaked. So my mom’s anxiety isn’t unwarranted. This year July 13 fell on a Friday. As in Friday the 13th. The night before (July 12), a black cat crossed my path several times, and last night my boyfriend spilled salt on the table. It’s like we’re playing with fate. Next we’ll be walking under ladders, breaking mirrors, and putting our shirts on backwards. I was certain something bad would happen, but (knock on wood) nothing so far. In fact, I found 23 cents on the ground yesterday: 23 pennies in a clump of grass at the bus stop. That has to ensure that I’ll be fine, right?

I want to do a mash-up of Brian Williams and Gumby. They have the same head shape*; it should be easy. I would call him Bryant Gumby.

On Thursday, I had the opportunity to use “utilikilt” in a social situation. I’m pretty sure some friends were made from that experience.

If you type in “do Irish people” on Google, the first suggested entry completion is “wear kilts.” The answer is, they do.

If you type in “Gumby” on Google, the third suggested entry completion, after “pizza” and “haircut” is “condoms.” I don’t even want to know what those are.  Gumby’s horse is fourth. Poor Pokey.

“Bro-ing up” is the act of becoming bros through time. “Browing up” is the act of becoming a Neanderthal through time. So essentially they’re the same.

Last night I told someone that my old coworker used to recycle Mitch Hedberg jokes. He responded with, “So he was like a cover comedian.” A) I wish I had thought of that term and B) I want Weird Al to do a spoof of Culture Club’s “Karma Chameleon,” the refrain of which is “Cover cover cover cover cover Comedian/You’re jokes are old/They’ve all been toh oh oh old…” For some reason my boyfriend, the comedian, did not find this as funny as I did.

Below (slideshow) are some pictures of my bruises from trapeze class. Yay! Please ignore the mild messiness of my room. And next week, look for the first in a series (two or three) of posts related to my sister’s wedding. It’s going to be blogulous. Blogtastic? Totally blogular.

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* I guess technically the angles of their heads are mirrored. But still. (I love Brian Williams, so this isn’t meant as a cut. Not many people can rock a trapezoidal head shape and still look attractive, but he does. He does it well.)

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9 responses to “Beware the Ides of July”

  1. Rob Novak says :

    I think that condoms are called “gums” in many European countries. So there must be someplace where they call them “gumbys” or “gumbies”. Good bruises. Keep doing things that get you bruised. It’s like bumping your soul.

  2. spud muther says :

    nice. love the pennies in a clump of grass. it’s GOT TO BE good luck. the alternative is just too terrifying. on the gumby mashup, watch out – if your mashup Bryant Gumby gets to close to former NBC newsman Bryant Gumbel, things might get crazy (see also: ‘crossing the streams’ in Ghostbusters.

  3. themooninautumn says :

    Bruises! Owww! Impressive . . .

  4. sarahwithanh25 says :

    Reblogged this on Sarah in Small Doses and commented:

    I survived the Ides of July (again)! Sorry I didn’t post last week, things have been a little busy for me, but I should have a post this Thursday, so check back. Here’s something from the archives you might enjoy. And thanks, as always, for your readership. -Sarah

  5. Michael says :

    A clump of 23 pennies? Wow – there wasn’t a miniature rainbow leading to them, was there? If you are really bored sometime, and judging by your random google searches the answer is sometimes, you could check out a really weird and indirect link to trapeze and watch The Tom Green Show clip where Tom brings his friend Glen Humplink to a trapeze training session the morning after a night of binge drinking. Lots of fun. Hey, remember that bruise from the one female in A League of Their Own? Do you put makeup on those things? (Stupid question – just askin’)

    • sarahwithanh25 says :

      This was a reblog from a year ago, but to answer your questions: there wasn’t a rainbow leading to them, but it felt magical; I will have to check out that video; I do remember that bruise–apparently it was a real bruise she got during filming; I thought about putting makeup on them, but they were like badges of honor, so I didn’t. If I had been going to a fancy event in a short skirt I might have, though.

    • sarahwithanh25 says :

      Also, not a stupid question.

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