Father Knows Funniest
Since it’s Fathers’ Day, and I posted about my mom on Mothers’ Day, I want to acknowledge the funny man in my life. Well, one of them. I also have several doofus uncles (or is that redundant?) and a funny brother. But my dad, much like my mom, has a great–albeit weird–sense of humor and a funny laugh, so I tried to pander to him in equal amounts as I did my mom. Often, his humor is unintentional.
One time I found him in the kitchen eating strawberries, one of which he fed to our dog. “Strawberry, Kaycee, Straawww-berrry,” he said, making sure to enunciate the word so she would understand it. “Dad, she’s not going to say it back to you,” I pointed out, in very Lisa Simpson-like fashion. My dad isn’t dopey like Homer, or overweight, but I am definitely Lisa Simpson.
“Onions are really one of the neat things in life,” is a direct quote from him during one of our family dinners. I don’t know if I would go that far, but yeah, onions are okay. Or, “Of all the animals I know anything about, the one I respect the most is the penguin,” he told my brother, after watching March of the Penguins. He mistakenly told my brother that Samuel L. Jackson narrated the movie, not Morgan Freeman. Can you imagine? Morgan Freeman has such a soothing voice; Samuel L Jackson is definitely going to narrate the apocalypse. Seriously, every time that man has a soliloquy in a movie, there’s trouble. Someone is robbing a diner, or there’s snakes on a plane*…he even dealt with dinosaurs. What does Morgan Freeman have to compare? Miss Daisy? Prison? Even then his voice was soothing. But I digress.
My dad mixes things up a fair amount, sometimes because his name for something is simply better. Or more entertaining. Like my sister’s friend in high school, Meg MacFarlane.
“How’s Meg McCrackin doing?” he would ask. “Dad, it’s Meg MacFarlane!” she would reply. He also called our neighbor’s dog, Raisin, by the name “Muffin.” To be fair, they named their first dog Cashew, so he probably just remembered that the name was delicious. And, at least he was close. Sometimes, even if it was way off, we would go along with it, as in the case of our dog’s treats. They were called Canine Carry Outs, like a doggie bag, but Dad called them Shortcuts, so we all did. It wasn’t too much of an issue until we wanted to grocery shop for them, or we left Kaycee in the care of someone else. Then we needed an explanation.
Perhaps the best “mistake” he would make was in his storytelling when we were younger. Dad used to tell us his version of Jack and the Beanstalk. After each part he would ask, “What do you think he saw?” and we would reply “a beanstalk” or “a castle,” to which Dad would add, “a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge castle.” And then we would laugh. Instead of the Giant chasing Jack and Jack chopping down the beanstalk, however, Jack and the Giant became friends and spent every afternoon together, playing baseball and eating cake. Isn’t that a much better ending?
I had the opportunity to go to the Brewers-Twins game with my dad this weekend, and it was great. We laughed a lot, and I spent the evening thinking about onions, Samuel L. Jackson, but mostly Jack and that Giant. I bet they’re still playing catch somewhere. I love you, Dad! Happy Father’s Day!
*I’m sorry…monkey-fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane? Mwahahahaha!