Something to Blog About
Hello! I missed you. I just got back from vacation so I apologize for not posting last week but the beach didn’t have WiFi, so…I had to just lie there…relaxing…it was awful.
Highlights of the trip:
Deep-sea fishing and reeling in a barracuda with just my hands (no pole)
Lying on the beach reading some of the first non-required books I’ve read in a long time
Going in the ocean again (oh MN, why are you so landlocked!)
Seeing a shark and a few stingrays swimming in open water (I stood safely on the dock, thank you).
AND finally making it to Chicago on the Megabus.
Those of you familiar with the Megabus (or its East Coast Chinatown cousin, Fung Wah) know what a great deal it is. My ticket this time cost $1 plus outrageous 50-cent processing fee–that’s 50%! Processing fee? Please. It takes me longer to fish two quarters out of my wallet than it does to “process” my purchase. Sheesh. But I digress.
This bus was supposed to ferry me from Minneapolis to Chicago, where I then flew to the Caribbean. Less than fifteen minutes into the trip (not even out of the Cities) a guy freaked out and smashed the front door, which is made of some kind of safety glass because it didn’t break so much as crackle while maintaining its overall shape. The bus driver pulled onto the shoulder and waited for the ten police officers and two state troopers to show up and place the guy in custody. I’m guessing he was classified as an EDP (emotionally disturbed person) because he was saying something about how he “turpentine tails” and he told the trooper he was trying to prevent being taken in, which is why he broke the door. Seems logical. I know you’re all wondering, and yes, he was sitting next to me before the incident happened. Do you think it was something I said?
I had planned on using the bus time to sleep (since it was seven hours with nothing else to do) but instead I got to listen to the women behind me re-enacting the incident, calling everyone they knew on speakerphone, and playing some sort of weird clapping game called “Concentration” with one of the women’s three young kids. (Oh you’re sleeping? Great, it will be quiet enough for me to make my 1500 useless calls!) By the time I got to O’Hare I had been up for 20+ hours and had put in a full day’s work, so I was a little loopy.
Here are some thoughts I had both then and when I returned (and similarly got little sleep):
I developed a new paint color. It’s kind of a moderate mustardy-yellow. I call it Medi-ochre. It’s just okay.
I thought of some great slogans for pantyhose: “Jam out with your gams out” and “Whatever your hem, we’ll cover your stems.” I’m waiting for L’eggs to return my calls.
I am really into mashups, especially putting two totally unrelated things together. Like, Frank Sinatra forms an 80s cover band. Which name do you think is better: Rangers in the Night (a nod to Night Ranger) OR My Kind of Band, Chicago Is?
When I talk to someone on speakerphone I always think it sounds kind of like they’re autotuning the teacher from Peanuts.
I came across the first name “Kenagetta” the other day. Not sure if it’s pronounced KEN-ah-GET-a, like “Kenagetta whoop whoop,” but that’s how I pronounced it in my head.
Riding the CTA (Chicago Transit Authority) blue line to O’Hare I sat behind a group of people who initially sounded like they were speaking Russian. Then it sounded like Spanish. Then Hungarian. And finally English. I call this combination Shruglish.
I spell-check these posts and according to WordPress, “gams” is not a word, “mashups” can be mashup or mash-ups but not the former pluralized, and “purchase” is a cliché.
The best three-word sentence: You look tan.
Okay, it’s really “Sarah, you’re awesome.” Fine! It’s “I love you.” In honor of that phrase I will be posting a special Valentine’s post next week. Don’t worry, singles, it’s for you!